Random Short

 This is a short story I wrote a few days back ...  I don't know whether I should post it here... but what the heck.

               It was a cold winter morning. Chilling winds were sweeping through the landscape. It was a typical, dull, December morning with grey clouds covering the horizon. Although it was 10 in the morning, it didn't feel like so. I was sitting on my porch reading newspaper. 25^th of December, 2017, the date on top of the newspaper read. 6 more day and it would be 2018, huh! Time passes you by, so swiftly that you don’t even notice, until you sit and think over it, every once in a while.
               Anyway, it was a week of holidays after a very long week and a month. First moving here and settling down. Then after that getting into this huge project. I didn't even have the time to adjust to the new surroundings. I always thought that growing up in Patna, braving the extremities of temperatures of north Indian planes, ranging from 1 to 50 degrees; I was prepared for any kind of climate. But it was exceptionally cold in Atlanta. I went back inside and checked the fridge. There was nothing there except for that lone bottle of Pepsi I bought yesterday on my way back home.

                I got dressed and went out of the apartment, walking my way to the nearest bus stand. On my way I saw the decorations on the street and in the houses. Flowers and lights hanging on the lamp posts and on the hedges of two story condors. Children making snowman with the freshly fallen snow which fell over the course of last night and early morning, today. Plastic Artificial Santa Clause on his sledge driven by reindeers, in front lawns of few houses, here and there, was also adding to the decorations and festivities of the whole environment. It felt really happy.

                All old memories came flooding back to me, my schools days, and Christmas celebrations at my school... fancy dress competitions, sweets and chocolate distributions, enactment of birth of Jesus Christ. The message of love and hope, and belief in goodness, truth and also that good begets good. Life was so simple when we were kids and everything was so pure and sublime. But as time passed, as I had to lead life more on my own, in this damned,cruel and ruthless world, I also had to learn the ropes to move ahead. All that goodness and purity got lost somewhere along the way. But this entire celebratory mood around me once again made me remember those long forgotten, simpler days, when life was easy and a straightforward road, when there were not so many tensions and worries in life.

                  I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even noticed when I reached the bus stop. A few people were sitting over the benches there. I noticed a house on the other side of the road. There were no decorations on or around that house. It felt strange. “There were not so many of these heathen Jews here a few years ago. The liberal establishment of this country is throwing us under the bus. The lord will not spare us if we would keep sinning and allowing these heathens and disbelievers live and grow in this great nation of ours. See, how China is all over our asses to take us down in this power race. All This is so pathetic.” I overheard two people talking. Typical Midwestern red-necks, I thought. What better I could have expected, I was in the bible belt of United States. But at the same time I felt a cold shiver run down my spine. What if they notice me and direct all that hate towards me? As I was wondering over the possibilities, the bus came and I got on it. I felt relieved.

                    I got off in down-town area. There was a 7-eleven store one block away from that point. That was one of those places that would be open today, on Christmas day, being run by Asian and other non-Christian staff those god fearing red-necks were loathing on the bus stop, serving the servants of lord to reach one step closer to heaven. But the irony of this whole situation was not at all obvious to the closed minds of those who have actually, literally, decided to close their minds to God’s message.

                      I did my shopping there. Paid for the supplies at the checkout counter to the South Asian clerk, Rameshnath, who became very happy as he saw me. In the short conversation I had there, I found out that he was from Kanpur and has moved here just one week back. That might be the reason I didn't see him there earlier, I thought to myself. The small town inhibition was still ripe in him and even here, 7 oceans away from our motherland, the caste and class barriers were there in his head as I could've easily said by the way he was talking to me. I said that I would meet him again some other time, and then I parted.

                       By the time I reached back home, it was already evening and it had started to snow again. Soft Sounds of carols and ringing jingles were coming from a distance as I was waking my way back home. I entered the apartment, switched on the lights and put the grocery in proper place. I also set up the plastic artificial Christmas tree I bought, in the hall. I put some sandwiches together in the oven and got the cake out from the packet. As the oven beeped, I took the sandwiches and cake to the hall and sat on the carpet. The only lights that were glowing in that room were on the Christmas tree itself. Blue, green and red lights glowing one after another. It was still snowing outside. I finished my food and went in my bedroom. As I opened the dresser I saw a small packet in there, gift wrapped. I was surprised. I opened it. It was a thick jacket with a card inside one of its pockets. “Happy Christmas!” It read. Then I suddenly remembered, it was something that I myself bought when I reached here 2 months back, when my friends told me it would be unbearably cold during December. I bought it and got it packed with a card, so that I can tear some gift open, on Christmas and feel good about it. Old traditions . I forgot about all of this as I got too immersed in my work over the past few weeks … “Right! Today I became my own Santa! “With this amusing thought in my head I fell on my bed and slept like a baby. 

Mind and the Universe

            Whatever we see,do and implement physically in this world, is in fact ,the projection of our own mind and thoughts. So,well, after all,its all in our heads only. All the physically tangible things in the world are a manifestation of our mind's desire to express in form of thoughts which are implemented in ways of action which shape the reality around ourselves. This is the what process of evolution has ultimately brought us to, hasn't it? If you look at it,in totality.. Not only the evolution of sentient beings on the planet,but right from the time when big bang took place. The formation of galaxies and nebulas. The birth of stars and planets. The appearance of basic biological organisms on earth and then right from that point,to the point at which we are right now. Consciousness appearing in our bodies made of flesh. I have read it somewhere,"We are  fundamentally, cosmos,observing the cosmos itself." And that makes perfect sense.
            This idea has been in my mind for sometime now, but as i listened to the lyrics of the song "Science and Faith" by Script,(Which is anyways a very nice song), I realized this more clearly. "You won't find faith and hope down a telescope, you won't find heart and soul in the stars. You may break everything down to the chemicals, but you wont find a love like ours." Well, sounds very trivial,but makes absolutely perfect sense. The stars and planets are made up of the same material,in large parts, we have taken shape from. And still they don't have a consciousness or any sort of understanding about their surroundings. This understanding is present in ,lets say,your pet dog ,more than what there is in the ant digging her way through the hole in your backyard, but still less than you. And this is how things are. You can see a clear pattern there. Even though hidden through a lot of other obscurities and trivialities and complexities. But,on a bright,windy, sunny day ... when you are in most clear state of your mind,you can look beyond this smoke screen of nature and can see the basic underlying pattern.
             And when you think over it, it makes complete sense. WE ARE ACTUALLY OUR MINDS. and everything man made we see around ourselves, is a projection of our own mind on the natural resources,to carve and convert it into something different, something brand new. This projection can be done in the most direct ways when we draw,sketch,write,compose music,or cook,or garden etc. This is so because these appeal to the most basic of our senses and immediately connect with our minds. The other activities, no matter how trivial, are also our ways to enact and create a thought from our minds. This,as it is abstract, doesn't makes us feel as good as 'direct creativity' like writing,painting etc. does, but it surely does affect the other psychological faculties within our selves which make us feel good indirectly. For example-Feeding and enlarging our egos.
              The basic purpose and intent of writing this post was to try to understand the driving force behind our actions. All of our actions,all our creativity ,all our urge to make changes to our physical world is a result of the desire of our minds. So,we are infinitely powerful beings in ourselves because we make and destroy our own reality,our own fate. And whatever there might be, our creations, the man made designs and forms, are no less significant or divine than god's itself. If we consider god as the combined consciousness of this whole universe , then that consciousness also works similarly like a single human's subconsciousness ,the only difference remaining that humans are imperfect because of the clear disadvantage we are at because of our relatively very recent and humble beginnings. Also,we don't have that inherent connection with nature to let our thoughts change the course and pattern in nature. But only because it's not happening now doesn't simply mean it actually can't happen.
              In some later point in our history,we ,if not annihilated by our own foolishness and inherent defects and flaws,would surely be able to evolve our consciousness to a level at which we would no longer be slaves to our sense and restricted by our physical or mental boundaries, but would venture out all of these 'closed boxes' to find,... i don't know, i can't even guess it,what?... but one thing i can guess for sure.... more happiness,peace and connection with THE WHOLE!

The Dream

Another Prose that I wrote 4-5 years back... Boy, those were the days when I had this unending poetic passion even though it used to bore other people to death…

Saw your face last night,

So beautiful it was, so bright,

In the silence of the night when clocks stood still,

I saw your face, even though it was not my will,

From my heart you walked right to my eyes,

Where I saw your face, so beautiful, so bright.

Like a moon shining in silent cloudless night,

Like a lonely flower blossoming in the field outside,

Like the last drop of rain that falls from the skies,

This dream was so unfulfilled, yet so perfectly styled.

The Yellow Pumpkin

             This is a poem that I wrote when I was in 9^th. So, well, it is really very childish and immature… but then again ,I don’t have anything other than this in my mind right now, so, I’ll write this..

Like a pumpkin Pie in the sky,

It makes your heart go fly,

Into the reaches of no one’s pace,

But only a few having love in their selves,

In the darkness, hanging by eternal thread,

Of immortality that god himself bled,

Turning and moving round and round,

Into darkness and out of womb.

Moving shadows on the face of it,

Showing us time’s very own feet,

As it moves noiselessly through our lungs,

In and out, like a spring swung.

Reminding of mortality in our veins,

Out in the meadows, out in the plains,

But also reminding of love’s unending power,

To give us petals of immortality’s flower.

The Nature of the Immortal

              Is there any everlasting,unchanging entity in the world..? Is it truth,love,god or lust...? Is there something like that out there or not? Or it is just a figment of human imagination which exist just to assure us that even after all the changes our mind and body undergoes,there is still a part of us,something inside us,or something out there which we hold on to,that never changes. And hence,this unchanging entity act as a reference point for us,a standard which we keep in the back of or head so that we can keep telling ourselves that even though scientists would say that a person becomes altogether another person within a short span of 7 years, from most of the cells in his body to most of his thoughts and beliefs... We don't change,that we are actually our own self only. The need for this everlasting entity is very strong, it is very important variable in whole equation of things as this defines our very existence. We need these ... things,.. everlasting love,everlasting truth.. to fundamentally define our own selves.
             For example,when a man finds the love of his life,he says He loves 'the one' he has chosen. and no matter how many years pass,this would not change. That means if we ask this man the same question after 10 or 20 or 30 years,his answer would be same...that He loves her. And this becomes,fundamentally,the definition of his own self. Its the constant amongst all the variables in life. No matter if all else inside his body and mind changes, this one thing,this everlasting,indestructible love would never end and this would help him define who he is.( those who would have watched the famous U.S series 'Lost' would remember the episode "The Constant" where Desmond Hume would hang on to this thread,this 'constant',for survival.)
             Again the same thing can be said about the other ultimate,indestructible things,we set in our lives. Lets say,ultimate everlasting truths, we find it,or are very eager to believe and internalize one,...because again,it acts as something which becomes the reference of our very own existence,as I would believe in one ultimate truth now,and also at any other point in time,even though all  this while,every other thing might change in and around me,I'd be fine,I'd be,well... my own self...because I'm holding on to this immortal entity,which is 'truth' in this case. So,just like 'love',this external everlasting factor defines me and hence I always search for it.
               Life is very complex and there is a no clear answer to any question. Our consciousness tries to make sense of its own biological suit,i.e our body and the surroundings of this suit. In the process of this 'making sense' of things it devise ways,like the one I've(tried to)explain above for its own continued existence and to keep the balance in the universe maintained. But i think outside of this 'act of understanding',there is no existence of any ultimate,indestructible,immortal entity,physically tangible or abstract. Objectively seeing,the only things which exist are our consciousness(also called soul,spirit etc.) and the physical world. And these two are also not inseparable but intrinsically interwoven in a complex web where both affect and get affected from each other. And the world which we see and don't see is the byproduct of this interaction.

The Empty Spaces

                           Between Mondays and Saturday our life runs and that is almost all of it. Your whole adult life is nothing but a daily robotic routine which is not only mundane but also at times feels meaningless and useless. But we live on,with the hope that something great might happen tomorrow,or the day after tomorrow,maybe next month,surely next year... sometime.. in the future ,where everything would be perfectly peaceful and interesting at the same time. In this hope we lead our life,going through the motions from Mondays to the next weekend,from one holiday/outing to the next... all the time suffocating,crawling on our knees as the years pass us by and we complete our pitiful,pathetic existence in this world.

                          Many would argue that I'm a depressed cynic writing whatever shit here. This is not how life is for majority of people. Many live their life to the fullest,enjoying every moment ,achieve great successes in life and die a content man. But I would like to reason against this, I don't think even 0.01% of whole human population on this plant live their life to their utmost satisfaction. Most of the people,for all their life,are not able to know what their purpose is or where they are going. Most of the people are unsure about themselves,insecure in their own cocoon,driven by other people's life which they presume perfect. Ask yourself this question... Your own conclusion that the world is a wonderful place filled with rainbows is not because you feel fulfilled in your own life,but because you look up to the lives of those whom life you think is perfect,and are always trying to make your life as much similar to these individuals as you can... So,in fact most of the people live a life chasing a mirage which is somewhere at a distance ,somewhere far away,in the future...

                         What is my aim in writing this article...?Its not about creating an existential problem where there is none, but to  motivate people to live more life in the moments which they pass as 'empty spaces' during weekdays,during the office hours,during an average adult's day ... because life is in these empty spaces.. when we are alone with ourselves... where we can learn more about ourselves,where we can learn to love ourselves,where we can explore our true potential in absence of negative emotions such as jealousy,pride or selfishness.. and by doing this only,we can create a world really filled with ultimate bliss and everlasting rainbows...!

Paradox of Life

I see a spider dying on the walls of my bathroom. I open up the shaft and lights of my bathroom for that whole night.The next day i see 5 dead flies in the web of that spider. What is it?
           Have I done a sin or a virtue? or above all,What I've done,given or taken "Divine Life"?